Elephant: A response from a reader on the Mandingo entry

It's late: I finished a movie and logged in to check my messages in short order and head to bed.. i have to be up in 5 hours. I'm an insomniac. Why? Because i think to damn much.

When I was a teenager I bought this book called Forbidden Knowledge. It was too lofty for me to understand at the time, but i liked the cover and the idea that there are philosophical properties that MUST and SHOULD remain in the dark, unknown, unspoken. Truths that should be told as lies to hide their crushing weight if pondered. There are ideas that are dangerous, like no god and morality as falsehood. There's no heaven or hell and true evil, no real good. The man who shot up a day care of children is just that, a man who shot up a day care of children and he will never pay for his sins, because he had not commited any. Yeah. I know. Deep shit! huh?


Well.. i attempted to end my night on the most shallow note possible. Celebrity Fit Club. But No.. I had to check my e-mail and receive the following response to the Mandingo Envy entry. It follows:


"I just read your blog. The standard for beauty is white and you're considered attractive (along with Halle Berry) because you have white features."

The lad was 19, Caucasian and from Canada. I think it might figure into his thinking or the fact he even said that... well moreso TYPED that to me. His logic was simple and direct. And brutal. Did he even know the impact of what he was saying. He reminded me of an old teenage boyfriend who lasted all of a two weeks back when i was 19. I called him bubble boy because we met at a night club and he was wearing a suit made of bubble wrap. He was gorgeous and had absolutely no censor. One day, in my bed room he said seemingly out of the blue " You might have a better body than me, but I will always be more attractive than you because I am more sociably acceptable."

It was one of those things, again, you don't say, but you think. Why do you not say? Because it infers error on a party. Which party that is? It's up for debate but a basic human instinct is that defense. Some things are better left unsaid because saying them will only result defensive behavior and denial. I'd even venture to say, we just might be hardwired to ignore the truth to be able to survive. Depending on what those truths are? But what the fuck is TRUTH to begin with.

When we speak of truth we speak of the idea that there is indeed an objective reality that is solid and un-bendable by perception. There is how i see it from where i stand...and how you see it from where you stand and then there's the way it actually exist. The idea of truth is quite godly. It's finite as well. It's the way it is. Not the way it can be or should be. It's just the way it is.

Now when that old boyfriend said that he will always be more attractive than I, it hit a nerve. I felt sad and insulted. But he had a fucking point...that sat somewhere in the middle. A point so clean, it could be argued it is the way it is.

The same for the 19 year old canadian. No matter what his intent was when he wrote what he thought. Whether he is a bigot or just very honest about cultural divides and binds, it didn't matter. The only hurts to those who deny it...and He was so fucking right. Put perfectly into the context of just how many times in my 27 years of life, have i been asked if i am just "black" and met with a tone of disbelief ..and/or disappointment when i say.. well.. i'm ...."Just Black" *frame Hands* A former boss of mine from Italy drunkenly said " You are not BLAAAAACK... Your nose isn't WIDE and BIG!!" So based on that comment would mean my that my "Attractivity" is based on what degree do i physically resemble white *dominant culture* beauty. Certainly if i had a bigger nose and were a few degrees darker i would be less attractive? Something ARE better left unsaid?

But this is supported by tons of cultural evidence that exists within the black community (Darker skin vs lighter skin; Slavery; Good hair vs bad hair) and in other minority circles- the caste systems of Mexico and latin america .... It goes on. Everyone likes Beyonce a little bit more than Kelly Rowland. Why because Beyonce fits the standard of beauty more so than a darker wider nosed black woman. So we KNOW this. But who says THIS? It's implications are bleak at best. They suggest that even after many decades of struggles we are still at ground one. Would Obama be president if he more closely resembled an african descendent?